I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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