My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
