there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
