I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
