your parents love me but you hate me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was confusing and full of hummus
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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