My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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