I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
