I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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