I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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