soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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