whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
