Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
