Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Still dying that you shit outside
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dick very happy bro
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
