hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
