Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
