it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
