Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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