Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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