I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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