Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize