I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
