I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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