Define "chronic" masturbator.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
