I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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