Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
