don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
