I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
