I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
