Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize