I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
