There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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