As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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