Pappa wants mamma naked
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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