so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
