I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
