how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize