I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
