if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
