I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
