Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
