I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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