About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
