at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
