tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
