Its about making memories worth repressing
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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