i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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