That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
