So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
