people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
