There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
