thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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