I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
