I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize