they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
