wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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