Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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