Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
