I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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