What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
