The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
