I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
