You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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