I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
