Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
