I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
