I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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