Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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