I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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