So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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