I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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