Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize