We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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