forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
