dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
