Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
