People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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