??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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