Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I did not marry a roomba.
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