I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize