I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
