I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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