I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
