Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
