so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
