I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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