the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
being pregnant is like rehab
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
