when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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