OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
