new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
