dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you win again, gameday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize